Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He has the fingertips of a God
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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