dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
