i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
