I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
