conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
