I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
