first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
