im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This baby is an asshole
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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