True but thats because hes a fetus.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
