can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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