Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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