so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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