3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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