It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
