Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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