Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
