i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
