I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
