apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
