Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
