separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
