Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize