you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
