apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
