you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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