I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
