You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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