Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
