Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
