I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
