Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You made out with two different species that night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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