I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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