meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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