break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
