this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
