He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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