***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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