I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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