Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
