my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
