that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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