Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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