My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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