What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize