Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
