I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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