My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize