i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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