What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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