So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I could have mohawked her pubes.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
