so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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