Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just pee around me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
