The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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