Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My breasts were aching with rage.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
