I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think my vagina is haunted
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
