Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize