You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
