I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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