LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
