Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
