but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
