i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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