found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
