He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
