I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
