it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize