Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
