Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
