No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
