return my video game
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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