Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
