You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
