already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
