i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize