we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need to calm my uterus...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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