You're a womanizer and a bitch.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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