He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
