You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize