Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
