This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize