Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize