put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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