Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
