help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
