summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
