Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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