shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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