im holly from the hills drunk
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize