I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my being single is dangerous.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
