with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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